Thursday, April 2, 2009

Citizens of Sweatsville

Nick and I are members at a certain gym in town. Nick has been going on a daily basis for four years now. I joined him in his quest to "be fit" about four months ago. This is really the first time that I have been disciplined and regular. I finally talked a friend into joining "our" gym so I could have a workout partner. What a difference it has made to have Katie to workout with!!

This posting isn't to brag on my recent attachment to the gym. It is to introduce a new feature, if you will, to the Family Hillosophy blog. When you go to the gym on a regular basis, you begin to see the same people every day. It's like a weird community where nobody knows your name. BUT in a bizarre way, you feel like you know them because you see them every day and begin to notice all their unique characteristics or tendencies. Since you don't know their name, you make up a name for them.

Enter Crazy Stepper Lady. Not to be confused with The Other Crazy Stepper Lady, as Crazy Stepper Lady is the original. CSL is approximately 58 years old and has the legs of a 25 year old. Don't get excited, boys. Don't get jealous, girls. Read further. You do not want to be like CSL.

Until recently, she could only be found on the StairMaster (the big one with the rotating stairs). I believe she has had an injury because you can now find her in a habitat that is rare to the CSL species - upstairs in the weight area. That's another thing about going to the gym each day...not only do you come up with names for complete strangers, you being to make up stories about complete strangers.

CSL wears a gray sweatshirt every time she works out. If it's 28 degrees out and snowing, she wears a sweatshirt. If it's 95 degrees outside, she wears a sweatshirt.

CSL disregards the rule that you can only use the stepper for 30 minutes. She will get on the stepper and when her "allowed" 30 minutes is up, she will get off, quickly get a drink and get back on for another 30. I am pretty sure she knows that no one is willing to mess with her by jumping on the stepper before she is really finished.

I forgot to tell you that she is SCARY. Forget the fact that she has witch-like, long, gray hair that is worn in a pony-tail. Forget that her bony frame (from being over worked) resembles that of a witch. She is MEAN. You know the mean lady that lives down the street that all the kids are scared of? That's her. One day, Nick overheard a couple of girls politely ask her how long she does the stepper each day. Her response was, "ENOUGH." My friend, Madaline said CSL rarely speaks when spoken to but when she does, she cusses like a sailor.

She is also, in my opinion, a repeat offender in the locker room. As most of you know, I am not the most modest person. I do feel that walking around the locker room with only a towel around your waist or while you dry your long, witchy hair is not very polite. I really don't need to see her oddly-fit-for-her-age body and tiny, mature, lady lumps while I change clothes.

Next week in Citizens of Sweatsville:
Dead Guy


Mimi said...

Ashley, That is hilarious. I can just picture her in my mind. Can't wait to read about "dead guy". You are a hoot!!

Anonymous said...

Oh my! Judging by her response to a simple question, I would say that this "woman" has an especially high testosterone level. She seems very aggresive! Step off Lady!

Angela Heather Hill said...

So funny! I can totally relate. I have regulars in my step classes who I was terrified of when I first started teaching but have grown on me to the point I feel it is almost my duty to defend "Carol the Cat Lady" (the one who wears cat glasses and still can't see you.) Just wait. In another four months, you will feel oddly defensive of your strange but wouldn't-be-the-same-at-the-gym-without-them people.